In which Haru rants for a very long time
by animegirl10
Summary: Rating for the kitties mouth. Kyo thinks that maybe he should move away, Haru tells him why he shouldn't XD Please RR! (Not Slash BTW...I know that the Summary makes it sound that way..)


**In which Haru rants for a very long time. –By Animegirl**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the sexy Kyo or the equally sexy Yuki. Actually I don't own anything related to Fruits Basket at all . . .;-;**

**Dedication: To my insane imagination that refuses to leave me alone and the coffee that fuels it.**

**A/N: Hello! I have had 4 cups of coffee! This is my first FB fic, it is also incredibly random. There are many problems with it and a few or most of the characters are OOC. Also, I don't know much about the characters background yet, I know most of the characters, but there is at least 4 that I can never remember. Despite this, I hope you will be at least mildly amused. **

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One sunny summer day Kyo was walking down the street grumbling about 'that damn rat' and 'the psycho bitch from hell' when he ran into none other than our darling (and more than a little lost) Hatsuharu Sohma. 

"Kyo? What are you doing here?" Haru asked picking up the fruit cart that he had managed to knock over. 

"Do you even know where you are?" Kyo asked, eyebrow twitching in annoyance. 

". . ."

"Should I just take that as a no?" 

"What are you talking about?! Of _course_ I know where I am!" Haru replied crossing his arms over his chest and smirking. 

"You don't have a clue do you?" 

"Nope. Not one." 

"That's what I thought." Kyo said with a sigh. "Maybe I should just move to….England or something. To get away from this crazy family."

"If you move to England, then Tohru will follow you. She has this Loyalty thing that is almost scary." Haru said thoughtfully as he pictured the overly cheerful Tohru Honda.

". . . . Maybe I should move to England to get away from this crazy family." 

"I don't think you realize the repercussions of you moving to England. Other than the fact that Tohru would follow you."

"Oh?" Kyo said pausing mid step and looking at Haru "And what could possibly happen?"

"Well. . . .the first person to follow you to England, for the sake of our dear Miss Honda, would be-"

"Momiji?" Kyo asked.

"Actually, I was thinking Yuki, he wouldn't leave her alone with you if he could help it." 

"Damn rat."

"Yea, yea, anyway. So Yuki would be the first person to follow the two of you to England. Then Akito would be next, he's sort of anal when it comes to Yuki. The rest of us would then have to decide which we wanted more, to be rid of our 'fearless leader' or to see Tohru again." 

Kyo snorted "Gee. I wonder what you'll all choose."

"Momiji will, of course, make that decision for us and hop the next plane to England." Haru finished, ignoring Kyo's interruption. 

"How could the brat get to England? He doesn't have a passport!"

"A minor detail. Moving on. . . .of course being the _loyal_ cousin I am, I'd have to follow the _darling_ little bunny to make sure he didn't get hurt! Then Kagura would find out where you were and would jet out there faster than you can say 'Kyo is a moron'." Kyo's eye began to twitch and Haru added "Of course, the moment she lands, she'll see this _extremely_ attractive British boy and they would go off, get married, and have lots of babies."

"First, don't you think she's a little young to get married, and second, how the hell could they have children?! I think you have forgotten our curse!" Kyo shouted waving his hands in the air and stomping back and forth on the sidewalk.

"More minor details, shut up and let me continue! Now, Akito would become extremely jealous of Kagura and would run out and find himself a wife. Unfortunately, the only woman that would have him, would be a short, ugly, woman who only spoke in Pig Latin."

"Pig Latin?!" 

"Shut up, I'm on a roll!" Haru shouted smacking Kyo upside the head.

"Why you stupid cow! Do that again and I'll break your arm!"

"I SAID SHUT UP!" Haru shouted going black for a second. Kyo shut up and listened obediently. "Now, Akito and the pig latin speaking woman go off and have a bunch of children, and raise them to speak only pig latin. (That's only because the woman beat Akito up every time he tried to teach them Japanese.) Meanwhile, everyone still living in Japan was beginning to miss us. Well. . . .Ayame was beginning to miss his _darling baby brother_ (who wished he would jump off the edge of the world, by the way) and decided it was time he followed us to England. And, Shigure being Shigure, immediately volunteered himself and Hatori to assist Ayame in finding Yuki, much to Hatori's annoyance."

"What about Mit?" Kyo asked "I mean, she's always hounding Shigure about his writing, do you actually think she'd just let him go?"

"Er. . . .well. . . .You see Shigure hurried and got. . . .three books done and handed them into Mit, so she was happy and didn't put up a fuss!" Haru explained.

"Pfft, riiight, I doubt that would EVER happen. I mean, Shigure is the laziest person I know!"

"What is it with you and the need to poke holes in my story?! Just go with it!" Haru shouted, eyebrow twitching in annoyance.

"Fine, whatever. Continue." Kyo grumbled.

Haru cleared his throat "Ok. . .Now where was I. . . .Oh yeah! So the annoying Duo and Hatori are off to England. Now, Kisa is _finally _informed that Tohru has gone off to England and is very upset. So, to make her stop crying, Hiro takes her to England and reunites her with Tohru. . . .then immediately demands to be waited on hand and foot."

"Yup. Definitely sounds like Hiro."

"STOP INTERRUPTING ME!! Er…Then there is Ritsu, who's exact words would be: 'THEY LEFT BECAUSE THEY HATE MEEEE! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!' and then he'd jump a plane and go apologize to everyone."

Kyo glared at Haru "Did HAVE to shot Ritsu's lines?"

"Yes. For dramatic effect." Haru answered. "Anyway. All this time Akito has been having more children, and finally decides that he wants to be in charge of the Sohma family again. So, he takes his army of children, and besieges us inside Buckingham Palace."

Kyo stared at Haru for a moment "How the hell would he do that?!"

"SHUT UP! I TOLD YOU STOP INTERRUPTING AND POKING HOLES IN MY STORY! NOW, I AM ALMOST DONE, SO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND LISTEN!" Kyo 'meep'ed and listened quietly. "Thank you. That is much better. Where was I again? Oh yes! Buckingham Palace! Nothing anyone did could stop these monster children! We threw furniture, clothing, jewelry (Their parents collected these), and anything that came to hand, but nothing worked! They just kept coming! And then, our dearest darling Kisa (being the brilliant little thing she is), started throwing sweets out the window! The children immediately stopped and started picking up the cookies and candies, ignoring the cries of their parents to keep attacking! Muahahaha! And then the Royal Guard arrived and dragged Akito, his wife, and his children off to prison. And we lived happily ever after! In England. . . ."

"That was the stupidest story I've ever heard." Kyo said rolling his eyes.

"NO IT WAS NOT! HAVE YOU EVER READ SHIGURE'S BOOKS?! AT LEAST MINE WAS FUNNY! WASN'T IT?!" Black Haru shouted, grabbing the front of Kyo's shirt.

"Yea, yea, yea. Very funny. Hahahaha. Now let go of my shirt." 

"Feh. Whatever."

"Haru? What are you- Kyo?!" A surprised look Tohru Honda was looking down at them from the top of the steps leading to the Emergency Room.

"Tohru?! What are you doing here of all places?! Are you hurt?! Did that damn Yuki do something to you?!" Kyo shouted, running up the stairs and shaking Tohru. Haru ran up the stairs after him and attempted to pry his fingers off of Tohru's arm.

"Get a grip Kyo! Shaking her is hardly going to help anything!" Haru shouted dragging Kyo back down the steps.

"Er. . . .actually, Yuki hit Shigure a little too hard this time, so we had to take him to the hospital to make sure he was alright. What are the two of you doing here?"

"Eh. We've just been wandering around. Haru was. . . .telling me a story." Kyo muttered scowling at Haru.

"Oh really?!" Tohru asked smiling brightly "Can I hear it?"

Haru grinned happily "Sure! You see. . . ."

**THE END**

**A/N: Okie Dokie. First, I didn't use Honorifics because I don't know how everyone refers to everyone else ^^; Except Tohru. XD But I figured, if I just had HER using honorifics it would be a bit weird. Second, I have no beta reader, and I am terrible when it comes to grammar, so there are probably a lot of mistakes. And Third, please review! I know it's weird, but I'd really appreciate knowing what you think! Thanks a lot!!**

**Animegirl**


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